New Year

Still don't understand
why you wanted to help me
The long nights I spent praying
for someone to hold me up still
I'm so afraid I might
ever lose control
ever let myself go
somewhere far from home
ta-da-dada-da-da
ta-da-dada-da-da
Got weak and old
Another goddamn year
I got no new attitude
for this fucking new year
Got smaller and bruised
Another scar on the wrist
Can't be on good behavior
in this fucking new love
Some say god gives you
another chance
I try so hard to live
but my heart says let it go away
Let it go to heaven
I don't know If I still
have a chance to be
forgiven or forgive
You say I’ll be surely okay
But I, now realize that
even doctors lie
tryna’ save me
tryna’ save a fool like me
Got weak and old
Another goddamn year
I got no new attitude
for this fucking new year
Got smaller and bruised
Another scar on the wrist
Can't be on good behavior
in this fucking new love
Please, don’t save me
Don’t even try to save me
Please, don’t save me
You don’t even try to save me

You left me in this big world
You surely knew that I'd be totally
alone in this place
People are together,
They stare at me
“Where is he?”
You left me with no choice
So I chose the way
of locking up the door
So no one could tear it
apart again
I slammed it hard, for you to hear
But I left my window open
You were not part of me,
you were my everything
Everything we had was
the dreams of my childhood
Yeah, I wanted a family
You were not part of it,
you are the everything
Isn't that your reason why
you want me to stay
I can't live without you
in this big world
You left me in this dark place
didn’t even have room
in your heart for my last words
But my sadface for you,
It was a happyface
to hide my tears away from you
The scars too deep,
the deaths too painful
Not strange at all
in this big, messy,
cruel world we live in
But I had you
yeah, I had you
Ever since I met you
I finally had feelings,
small hopes and little wishes
I had you
You were not part of me,
you were my everything
Everything we had was
the dreams of my childhood
Yeah, I wanted a family
You were not part of it,
you are the everything
Isn't that your reason why
you want me to stay
I can't live without you
in this big world